We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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