You're my little dorito
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
