Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
