My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
