it was like his penis was on wheels.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize