i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
