I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
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