Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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