Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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