turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I am one with the molecules
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize