He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
