hotel room ftw
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
