I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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