i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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