**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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