Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize