Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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