We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
