I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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