Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
