My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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