my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My pussy is not your playground.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
