i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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