I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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