come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Pants are for mortals
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
