I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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