Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
