After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Randomize
