no, he came in my armpit
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize