there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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