sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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