Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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