Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
