I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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