how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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