I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
