No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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