he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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