oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
