i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
