she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
