You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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