Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
