This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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