Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
