bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Alive.
So much puke
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
