what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
