Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
