just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
How's work?
Spinning.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
