wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
