never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
