pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize