So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
