haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
