Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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