it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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