theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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