When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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