Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
