we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize