There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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