...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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