Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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