Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm getting married
To pizza
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
