Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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