its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
