its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
there is glitter all over my balls
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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