O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
