Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You made out with two different species that night
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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