some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
