Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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