My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
