Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
