Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
