dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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