Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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