when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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