So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
