ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
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