I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We got so high we made milksteak
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize