i think i have herpe
just one?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
