the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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