"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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