I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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