I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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