I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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