I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
