My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
