i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
