sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
