the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
