She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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