he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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