Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Say something about gay babies.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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