Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i think i have two assholes
you win again, gameday.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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