I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
