You just made me feel so damn special
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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