my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
