Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
