I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
