I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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