(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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